your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
