love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
