I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
