My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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