i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
