I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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