My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
