i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize