i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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