I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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