does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
