I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am puke
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
