who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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