Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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