i dedicated my morning wood to you.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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