I hate all girls vehemently.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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