Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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