If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
They took my balls.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
