I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
