I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
