I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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