i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
