Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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