So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
