he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
