I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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