I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
