Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Randomize
