she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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