dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
