i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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