I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
