Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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