dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
