2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
