How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize