We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
