Kiss
Puke
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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