Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize