saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
