I just pynch a tree in the face
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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