Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
