Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
