I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just invented taco cereal.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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