If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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