She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
