Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
