At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
