it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
