I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
sex in a hospital.. check
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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