hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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