He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
