He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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