you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
