I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
