Apparently you make a good broom.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
