he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
