I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
